Tender mercies

My father returned home to his Heavenly Father on 12/9/15 @ 0514. I came to Pocatello to help relieve my sisters from taking care of my parents and knew we would be coming for Thanksgiving anyway, so I came two days early.  My Dad had gotten so weak  and sick since I had been here 10 days earlier.  He could barely walk and wasn't eating.  My sister, Pam, had taken him to the Emergency room the week before and he was kept overnight for observation.  They thought that it was probably a gall bladder attack and had set him up for a hidascan on 12/7.  He was so weak, that I knew he couldn't wait for that day.  My mom kept threatening to call the ambulance, but he was adamant that she wasn't going to do that.  After two days of watching him get weaker and weaker and the pain increasing, I got down on my knees Thanksgiving morning and prayed if it was his time to leave this earth.  I received the answer that it was not yet, but I did need to take him to the hospital.  I shared my feelings with my dad and he agreed that it was not his time to leave just yet.  Shortly thereafter, my brother, Kevin, walked in and he and my brother in law, Larry Reaves, gave my dad a blessing.  He agreed to go to the hospital.  

(Dad in the Emergency Room at Portneuf Regional Medical Center)

We divided our time up with being at the hospital with dad and home with mom as she was requiring 24 hour care as well.  My parents health had really deteriorated.  Kevin took the whole next week off of work and stayed at the hospital with dad and Robyn and Pam stayed home with Mom.  Larry would sneak up to the hospital during the night and stay all night with him.  He put a pillow in his place in his bed, so Robyn didn't even know he had gone.  True act of love!

(Robyn would drive Mom up to see Dad at the hospital.)

Dad ended up having a cholecystectomy where they removed his gall bladded and took a biopsy of an abnormal spot on his liver.  It ended up being cancer - aggresive endocrine, but they weren't sure where it originated.  Maybe the intestines or pancreas.  The pancreas makes sense where his brother, Lyle, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when he passed away and his other brother, Garth, currently has pancreatice cancer. 

We were supposed to leave on 12/6 to go on a vacation with Debbie and Leisa as chris had purchased this trip for 4 to florida and the Bahamas.  By 3 days before, I knew we shouldn't go.  I just didn't feel good about it, so I called and cancelled everything.  Since I had the time already scheduled to be off, I came to Idaho on 12/4 @ 0800.  I went right to the hospital and he was happy to see me.  His breakfast came and I was able to feed him a good amount of soft food.  The nurse and Kevin said that he perked up when I got there and ate more for me in that one meal than he had all week.  By lunch time, he only ate a couple of teaspoons of food.  The doctor came in and we discussed whether Dad should go home on hospice or home health.  The physical therapist came in and she couldn't get dad to even attempt to stand.  Hospice was decided.  Dad had a weird anxiety experience.  

There was a program on the BYU channel where they were announcing Bronco Mendenhall leaving BYU.  Dad leaned forward and said "Listen.  They are going to announce it."  When I asked him what they were going to announce, he said "they're all dead".  I asked "who", and he said "all of our kids".  I asked if he knew who I was and he said "yes.  Leanne".  I told him that I was one of his kids, and he said that he knew.  Then I pointed to Kevin and asked if he knew who that was.  He said "yes, Kevin".  I told him that he was one of his kids.  He said "I Know.".  He was so distraught.  We called Robyn so that he could hear her voice.  Then we face timed Debbie and Leisa who were driving to Pocatello.  That still didn't calm him down.  So, we turned off the tv and he eventually relaxed.  We took him home by ambulance and the hospice group was waiting there to admit him to hospice.  

                                       

We put dad in bed with Mom  and she tenderly reached over to take his hand. 

Solace hospice has been amazing. 

 We had liquid morpine that we could just put inside Dad's cheek for pain.  I think  that it helped him relax.  Debbie, Leisa, Ronna and I stayed here at the house.  Pam and Robyn kept checking in with us. 

Leisa, Myself, and Debbie snuggling in the "green room" bedroom.

 There were times when Dad was out of it and other times that he was completely coherent.  We have some tender moments when he spoke a few things.  Mom often times would reach across the bed and take his hand.  She was always worried about him.  She was in a wheelchair and we placed her next to him.  She said "he better not get frisky".  :)  For three days, he didn't have more than a few tsps of water and 2 tsps of jello.  He lost control of his bowels several times which was uncomfortable for him.  Lindsey and Chelsea Graham were here a lot and they helped me clean him up.  

Dad was such a private man that when we were cleaning him, he said "don't you think Mom could do this?"  I explained to him that she couldn't even take care of herself.  

The night before he passed, I knelt beside him and told him that if it was his time to go, we would take care of Mom. Leisa helped me clean him up and his legs were so stiff and painful. He started having this gurgling sound in his throat that he couldn't cough up or swallow.  (They call it "the death rattle".)   I laid in between him and Mom for awhile.  I held her hand in one of my hands and reached across to pat his chest to ask him to swallow.  I was so tired, that I fell asleep.  I woke up as Ronna took a picture of us.

 That night, we decided to each take 2 hour shifts to sit beside him.  I hadn't slept much the night before, so I went to bed first.  My turn should've been around 04:30, but everyone stayed a little longer than their 2 hour shift.  Debbie woke me up at 0514 and said that Dad quit breathing.  I ran into his room and checked for a pulse, but it wasn't there.  Then I ran downstairs to wake up Ronna so she could call the hospice company and the pacemaker company so they would turn off his defibrillator.  I also woke up Leisa who called my other siblings.  The paramedics came to monitor his pacemaker and said that it was still firing, but it was weak.  Once they got a hold of the cardiologist on call, he said that it would attempt 10x and then quit, which it did.

When Pam and Robyn got here, we were able to be together.  We wheeled Mom next to him and she said "wake up.  You promised you would never leave me".  Of course that created more tears.  We had a family prayer in my parents room.  I laid on the bed beside my dad and held onto his upper arm which still felt warm to me. We took mom out to the kitchen and Erika from the hospice group cleaned him up. The mortician took dad to the mortuary and Erika changed the sheets and cleaned up the bedroom.  I stayed in my pajamas all day.  The Bishop came over to talk to us and to give us direction with funeral planning.  He has showed his support before and after Dad's death.

Treina Stuart, my dearest friend and a florist, came that night and showed us pictures of funeral flowers.  We made some decisions, although we all had our different opinions. They will be beautiful!

Mom's hospice nurse mentioned on friday 12/11/15, that with the blank stare that mom has, she doesn't feel like it will be long before mom passes away and wouldn't be surprised if it happened within a couple of days.  Mom has pneumonia right now, and it has moved from one lung to both of them.  She is pretty sick.  Early this morning, she started to talk to someone.  For a couple of hours, she mentioned 2 sisters names that had passed and just rambled incoherant sentences.  She told me that Nila said "don't drink the water.  It is bad."   She slept in until noon and was really grumpy and kind of mean when I took her out to the kitchen to feed her a little breakfast. Even though she had asked to go to the kitchen, she got up and shakily decided she was going back to bed.  I reminded her that she wanted an omelette and asked if she would just sit down so I could feed her a little.  Of course, just taking a few steps, she almost fell and she told me to leave her alone.  After two bites of her omelette, her sister Della and Joe ward stopped by to see her.  She didn't want anything else to eat, but she visited with them a little.  Some of the time, she was coherant and other times, she didn't make any sense.  They stayed for about an hour and then I put her back to bed.  Her cough is so bad.  I wish that I could do something to relieve it so that she could relax and go to sleep.  As I am typing this in my Dad's office, I hear her talking to someone.  At one time, I heard her say "Kay" (my Dad's name).  The veil is very thin and I know that her time is drawing close.  I feel my dad is near.  That is what we have been praying for.  If it is her time, we could have a double funeral and her family that is traveling from Canada could be here to honor both of them, as two trips in the winter would be very difficult.  Heavenly Father is aware of my pain and he loves me.  Although, it is his will and not mine that will happen. 

12/14/16

Mom has been pretty disoriented.  She just says things that don’t really make sense.  This morning, I asked her if she wanted me to make her some oatmeal, and she told me “you know dad hates oatmeal”.  I gently reminded her that Dad was in heaven waiting for her.  She was pretty solomn but didn’t say much.  That afternoon, Robyn came over and helped me get mom up on the bedside commode.  There was no way to get her into the bathroom.  That was a change from yesterday.  She was declining quickly.  I was kneeling beside her bed, and she pulled my  head to her chest and said “you need to get some sleep”.  That was tender for me as it made me feel like a little girl in my mother's arms.  I agreed.  I had been keeping a baby monitor in my room so that I could listen for her if she needed anything.  With Dad, we started medications every 4 hours for the day or two before he passed.  It was time for that regime for Mom.  She was upset and uncomfortable.  She had a  fentanyl patch on due to her chronic pain and rarely had needed anything to supplement that.  She had been on Hospice for about a month.  So, every 4 hours, I gave her liquid pain medication – methadone – as she didn’t do well on Morphine.  We also gave her an anti anxiety med.  We kept everything charted and I would automatically wake up and give it.  Robyn was so glad that I was staying there as her biggest fear was that she would find mom or dad dead.  I slept with mom for a few nights, but then found that I slept better in my own bed.  From that afternoon, she became unresponsive.  The next day, I asked the hospice nurse to put in a foley catheter as she hadn’t had any output for over a day.  Once Rosemary (the hospice nurse) put one in, there was an immediate 600 cc  output.  I was grateful we decided to do that.  The next day, I was emotionally exhausted.  Hospice stayed with Mom so that Robyn, Pam and I could go to lunch.  We went to taco bell in honor of Mom. Mom loved a burrito supreme.

12/17/15

My siblings started to arrive from out of state for Dad’s funeral.  We had had a family fast 5 days ago, but mom was still lingering.  Maybe she was waiting for everyone to arrive.  Her sister, Jessie, arrived from Canada and sat in her room for a few hours.  She held her hand and we all just sat there and talked.  Kevin’s girls and grand-daughters sang a few primary songs.  It was sweet.

12/18/16

Tonight is Dad’s viewing.  I guess Mom wasn’t quite ready to go yet, and we just accepted that.  She has gone 5 days without any intake and that worries me.  She is so tiny and under 100#.  We had an appointment to go and dress Dad at the mortuary at 1:00.  We all piled into the van while Cammie, Dani and Rosemary (hospice) stayed with Mom.  

Rosemary was one of the hospice nurses from Solace Hospice.  She was such a blessing to us and was with Mom when she passed away.  We found out that she was actually a cousin to Leisa's husband, Darin.

We hadn’t even arrived at the mortuary before Rosemary called my cell phone telling me that Mom  had just passed.  We had all been praying for that, but when it happened, we cried.  The mortician felt he could still make things happen, so he came and picked up mom within the hour.  We all went to the mortuary at 4:30 to dress both parents.  Oh how I love them!  What an honor to do that great service.  I had to laugh when the mortician left the room and Pam reached over and put some of their makeup on herself.  I teased her stating how close hers and mom's makeup was.  :)

That evening, when people came to view Dad, they were surprised to see both parents in two caskets.  They didn’t go many places without each other here on earth, so they weren’t willing to do anything different now. 

I had been praying for the past month or so that if Heavenly Father chose to take my parents home, to please do it between semesters of school.  That happened and allowed me to be there with my siblings to handle this loss.  I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers.   He is waiting for us to ask.

December 18, 2015 was a tender day for our family.  This is a picture of Mom and Dad at their viewing.

 May they both rest in peace until we meet again.  We miss you Mom and Dad!

12/19/16

The day of my parents funeral.  My children were all here.  Kolby was pretty out of it sitting on the front row, but I was grateful he was here with us.  The beginning of the funeral started with a quartet from their ward that they enjoyed listening to.  When I looked up, I saw my parents on the right side of the choir seats standing there holding hands.  They were younger than they were when they passed, but they had smiles on their faces.  I knew they were happy.  We each took a few minutes to speak and it was a cleansing time for each of us.  The grandchildren sang a medley of “I am a Child of God and Families Can be Together Forever”.  It was beautiful.  The funeral wasn’t as well attended as I would’ve thought, but I’m sure it was due to the business of the Christmas season.  It was still nice. My best friend, Treina Stuart, was there and she had made the flowers for the funeral.  My Friend, Dana Hardman and her mom drove down for the funeral as well.  I couldn’t believe that she would do that for me.  I was so touched. We drove to Archer for the burial where Dad had the military salute and the flag was presented to Kevin. Then  we all drove to Idaho Falls to a buffet that my parents liked to eat at.  It was a perfect day and I know that my parents were pleased.

                                                 Dad had military honors since he was in the service.

Bill, Kyler, Kolby, Krista, Kory, & Eryn

Love the cousins!

Forever Family!

Me between my parents coffins at Sutten Cemetary in Archer, Idaho

A handful of flowers from Mom's casket spray.

Together Forever!

1/6/16  
I was thinking about my parents as I was driving down the street heading home after work.  My mom’s health had been declining for the past several years, so I had become extremely close to my dad.  As I was driving, I was hit with the thought of what an incredible mother I had.  She was fiesty, busy and always the one to make things happen.  My dad was the kind and gentle giant.  Oh how I miss both of my parents.  I am so used to calling them on my way home from work just to discuss trivial things and sometime really important things.  How blessed I was to be raised in a home with parents who loved the  Lord and set the example of service and faith by the way they lived their lives.  I could only hope to be half the person that they were.  Thank goodness for the Atonement that makes up the difference.  

Not a day goes by that I don't thank my Heavenly Father for my dear parents.

5/23/16

My uncle, Garth (my dad's youngest brother and last remaining member of that Briggs family), passed away last night. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a year ago.  After chemotherapy, radiation, and trial medications, he peacefully left this earth with his loving family surrounding him.  I was blessed to be a part of that, as I spent the past couple of days in their home. From early in my teenage years, I drew extremely close to this family and have maintained that closeness through the years.  As I sat on the edge of Garth's bed, holding his hand, I noticed rapid signs of decline.  The family, reminisced, laughed, cried and prepared themselves, as much as they could, for his demise.   Their bishop and a teacher had come to bring us the Sacrament and then gave Garth a blessing to release him from his body. We were sitting in his room noting that his breathing seemed more labored. He had a couple of periods of apnea, and then his breathing stopped.  As I watched, the pulse on the side of his neck got slower and slower, then it stopped.  I felt the spirit strong and knew he had family close by.  I hope it was my dad who had the honor of coming to get him.  His body was so still and pale.  I thought about our bodies being earthly where our spirits are eternal.  I am so grateful for my beliefs and my knowledge that I will see him again.  I love this family so much and pray that I can stay close to them and be a support for Kolene.  I think she will get lonely, because they were a very close couple.  Families are forever!

This picture is of Kolene resting beside Garth the night before he passed away.  What a tender mercy that she had a year to help him through this and then be able to say goodbye.  With a lot of family support, we can get through hard things, and Heavenly Father will continue to send Heavenly help when it is needed!